Funny stuff!

Earlier today I was driving in Cupertino on my way to get lunch when I saw the following sign.  “Japanese style spaghetti and curry restaurant.”  I was laughing so hard that I had to pull over to the side of the road and catch my breath.  I mean, this was the type of laugh where I was feeling like my lungs were going to explode.  I’m not all that up on what different cultures eat, but that just seems like a really odd combination of things.  Japanese=Benihana.  Spaghetti=Italian.  Curry=Indian.  By themselves and in the correct cultural settings they can be very good.  Japanese+Spaghetti+Curry=BLECH!!

Then I was reminded of some signs that I saw in Texarkana, TX and AR.  This is where I grew up for those of you who didn’t know.  This sign was seen on a self serve car wash……..”Satisfaction guaranteed or your dirt back!!!”  Sublime!  This beauty came from a muffler shop…….”No muff to tuff!!!  Incredible. 

There is so much to laugh about in everyday life.  This is why I don’t understand people who go around being so gloomy all the time.  Laughter is indeed the best medicine. 

 Feel free to write with your own gems!

Annoyed in any language!!

I’m annoyed! (English)

Khuom khung! (Cambodian)

Bu Kai Xin! (Mandarin)

Mmm Hoi Sum! (Cantonese)

Estoy molestado! (Espanol)

Man asabaniam! (Farsi)

Je suis ennuyé! (French)

When I was young we once did sign language to a song called “Love in any language”.  It was done by Sandi Fatti er Patti!  Well today I’m not feeling love in any language.  It’s a very annoying day.  Now the above translations were taken from co-workers of mine.  I truly work with an international cast of characters and our Russian and Korean co-workers were out of the office today!

I’m not feeling well.  I know that my mother thinks that I’m faking it but she’s thought that since I was about 12.  I’m really not feeling well.  I should have called in to work but I am covering for another internal client manager and could not do so.  My head feels like a block.  My throat hurts.  I’m draining gallons and gallons of mucus!  I’m coughing.  I don’t know if I have fever but my entire body hurts.  Yea, yea, yea for Than!!

When I am feeling like I have described I’m more than a little crabby.  Things that would otherwise never be mentioned are now fair game.  Like this, Why do people use umbrella’s when it’s not raining.  It may have rained 5 minutes ago but it’s not raining now.  The streets are wet BUT IT’S NOT RAINING NOW!!!!!  But of course it would decide to rain like we haven’t seen since the day’s of Noah after I get my tea and start heading back to work.  And then, have you ever tried to dry off your glasses with a wet shirt?  Does not work at all.  You only succeed in smearing the glasses terribly.  And then of course it’s to late to wipe them with a Kleenex as a sensible person would have done!! 

Why do people talk so loud.  I’m not deaf.  I only act like it sometimes to get out of hearing things that I don’t want to hear.  Huh??  I really don’t need to hear what the person setting 3 OFFICES down from me had for dinner last night and I for sure don’t need to know how it “made them feel”.  Ugh!

When I feel bad (which is most of the time) I don’t want to talk to anyone, hear anyone, smell anyone, be touched or do anything except sleep!  Wow, that’s really not all that different from how I am on my best days (maybe I should work on that a little!)  Memo to the world:  Leave me alone today and probably tomorrow as well!!  Just pack your little tent and steal off quietly into the night ok?  I’ve no desire to be around you today!  And to make matters worse, the sun has decided to mock me.  It is now shining brightly!  It’s been cloudy all day and it fit my mood!  Why oh why has the universe turned against me? 

Nothing to say

I haven’t written in a while.  It’s been almost two weeks since my last post!  Sorry.  I know that you are desperate for the “manna from thanheaven”.  I’ve just lost the urge to write.  I have absolutely nothing to say!!  Some would say that this actually makes the world a better place.  Nonsense.  Poppy-cock I say to these negative folks!  Alas, there is just no inspiration! 

I guess that I could blog on the political scene but I don’t really care.  Oh sure, I’ll vote but I’m just not sure that it matters.  My life won’t change that much.  The government already takes 43% of my check.  Another 5% won’t matter that much.  We’re never going to fix illegal immigration.  The war on terror will continue in some fashion.  I know that I really don’t want Hillary to be president just because she is incredibly ugly but besides that I couldn’t care less.   None of the candidates inspire me and I hate the thought of voting for the “lesser of two evils!”.

The sports world is in the “dead time”.  It’s before March madness.  Baseball is just starting spring training.  And hockey and basketball (the NBA version) are just killing time until the playoffs. 

Church has been great of course.  We always have great service’s and they have gone to another level since the first of the year.   Our church has decided to continue the prayer and fasting that we started the year with.  The change has been incredible to say the least!!

I need to get away to the mountains for a few days and let the snow and wind refresh me!!  Oh by the way, I love the California winters.  It may be the only place in the world that you can surf and snow ski the same day. 

My Heritage

I know that most of the time you visit my blog you are looking for the humour that usually abounds.  However, today I wanted to write about the heritage that I have and just how proud I am of that heritage. 

I am a 4th generation Pentecostal on my dad’s side and 4th generation on my mother’s.  I am also a 4th generation UPCI preacher.  My great-grandmother, Alice Anderson, was the first preacher (I believe) to be licensed with the UPCI.  I know that my grandpa Hurst’s uncles were ministers but I don’t know if they were with the UPCI or not.  My great, great uncles on the Varnum’s side of the family actually received the Holy Ghost in a service with William Seymour.  I’ve laid it out there and now I want to tell you about my heritage. 

I’ll start with my great-grandparents.  Great-grandma Hurst was one of the first converts to the Jesus name truth in central Florida.  In fact, it was on of her brothers who brought the message home with him (he was a Varnum).  I really want to get everybody in here but I may miss someone or get a few things wrong.  My great-grandma Alice Anderson was by all accounts a great preacher.  She pastored in Rialto, CA for many years.  Her sermon, The Midnight Cry, is still talked about today.  Her first converts in Rialto were my great grandpa and grandma Pound.   My great grandparents Layne were also in the church for many years. 

My grandparents on both sides of my family have been and were involved in ministry for many years.  Grandpa Murray Layne and Grandma Lila Layne pastored in several locations and built several great churches.  Rialto, CA, Fresno, CA and Mesquite, TX come immediately to mind.  They also pastored in north Houston for several years.  Grandpa Layne also served as the Western District Youth President and as Director of Lighthouse Ranch for Boys.  Unfortunately, both of my mom’s parents have gone on to their reward.  They were incredible people and examples to thousands of people throughout there long and fruitful life.  All of their children are involved in ministry.  My Uncle Keith Layne passed away several years ago but he was the pastor of the church in Mesquite, TX for many years.  All three of the “Layne daughters” are pastors wives.  Aunt Linda in Wichita Falls, TX; Aunt Karla in Austin, TX and my mother Ronda in Hollister, CA.  All of my uncles and two of my cousins are full time ministers.  Jonathan Elms pastors in Beaumont, TX and Andrew Elms is with his father in Wichita Falls. 

Grandpa and Grandma Hurst pastored in Kennewick, WA for 41 1/2 years before retiring in 2006 and moving here to Hollister to be with my parents.  My grandad Hurst has served on the Foreign Missions board for over 30 years.  They built a great church in Kennewick that was truly a great revival church in the NorthWest for many years and still is to this day.  It is a great pleasure to be able to sit next to my Grandpa on the platform every time we have service.  He loves to worship and even though he may not know all of the words to the songs that we sing he always has his hands in the air worshipping God.  There are very few altar services that you won’t see my Grandma in the altar praying on her knees.  After all of these years they still love God with all of their heart. 

My parents have been true examples for years.  My dad and mom pastored in Texarkana, TX for over 20 years.  In the process they built a great church that is pastored today by Bro. Jason Calhoun.  It was truly incredible to see the transformation over the years of Landmark.  From a church set off the Boulevard to a place that everyone in the city knew!  Now they are in Hollister, CA where the same transformation is taking place.  It is amazing what God has done in just 3 1/2 years. 

Why am I writing this?  I felt like it was important for me to state how proud I am of my heritage.  I love the UPCI.  I love truth and am committed to it.  So many things have happened in my life that have only reaffirmed how much I believe in the message that we preach and teach.  It is no different now.  My heritage is deep and rich.  It would be awfully foolish for me to walk away now.  No matter what anyone says.  I believe just like my grandfathers and my uncles and my father!  Nothing has changed and nothing will change.  To say so is foolish!  I love my heritage and would not trade it for anything in the world!

Inane!! (complacently foolish)

I’m sitting on the most boring conference call that I have ever been on!!  It has absolutely nothing to do with my portion of the business.  It has driven me to the edge of insanity.  I’m looking for a bridge!!  However, I’ve also been thinking of some more things that drive me batty!.

~Stupid sayings-Take care, you too, I’m good, and there are so many more.  I had someone tell me to “take care”.  Where exactly am I taking care?!  To work, to my house, to my car?  And then where do I leave it?  If I’m taking it with me then at some point I’m going to have to leave it somewhere right?  How about this, I’m taking a flight later today.  I’m sure that the ticket taker, the curbside check-in people and any number of other people will tell me to “have a nice flight”.  To which I will reply “you too”.  I’m pretty sure that is the dumbest statement that I will make all day!  They’re not going anywhere are they?  (There is a comedian who does a great bit on this but I can’t remember his name!!)

~Asking how people are-You will never get the whole truth and even if you did you wouldn’t really care or want to know!!

~Dumb people-There are more dumb people in the world than you could ever believe.  Has any one seen the video on youtube of Ms. Teen South Carolina? If not you should check out the answer she gave in response to a question about why Americans can’t locate the US on a map.  Very classic!

~Boring conference calls-We get these about once a week.  They are inane and completely useless!!  I’m sitting here at my desk with my eyes crossed and drool hanging from my chin!!