A smelly, hairy situation to say the least

As is my custom on weekdays, I walked over to Peet’s to get my cup ‘o tea.   After receiving the nectar of the gods from the “barista” (can you call them baristas when they make tea?) I walked over to the area where I put in the honey and half and half and was instantly overwhelmed by a very obnoxious smell.  Obsession, circa 1985!!  A “gentleman” was standing beside me filling his coffee cup half full of non-fat milk.  The smell was overwhelming!!  My eyes started to bleed, my nostril hair was burned, my eyebrows singed, my hair was bleached blonde……you get the picture.  Wow!!  As I wiped the blood from my eyes I noticed something else.  This guy had the comb over to end all comb overs!!!  It was like a bird’s nest had settled on top of his head.  I mean think about this guy in a swimming pool…bald as a baby on top but with his wet hair streaming down to his waist.  Question…How long does it take to swirl that mess around?  An hour, two?  It has to be quite the intricate process.  Memo to all middle aged balding men.  It looks much better to keep it short rather than to try and fool all of us into thinking that you actually have a lot of hair by growing it out 3 feet long and then piling it up on top of your head in intricate S patterns!!!  Comb overs are one of the more seriously underrated “bad decisions”  of all time.  Buy a rug if you’re that self conscious about your balding dome!!  Grow your eye brow out and comb it straight back and we’ll all just think you have a seriously low hair line. But, do not, DO NOT, grow your sideburns, place a part just above your ear and then try and pass it off as a full head of hair.  Nobody is fooled, especially when the wind starts blowing and you look like a cock-a-too!!

Oh, and by the way 1985 called and wants its “eau du parfum” back!!  You’ve done enough damage today!

An odd Monday

Most people despise Mondays.  They abhor the thought of arising early to join the rat race again.  The care-free, relaxing days of the weekend seem long past when the alarm clock buzzes its infernal, annoying sounds on Monday.  Mondays are the bane of most people existence.  Songs are written about how terrible this day is.  Many a poem has been penned deploring this day!  Of all the days of the week it is Monday that is reviled the most. 

Well, I’ve actually enjoyed this Monday.  It has had all of the elements of a great day.  It may have something to do with the fact that I had an unexpected holiday on Friday and hadn’t been to work in a while or maybe it was just an anomaly!! Who knows?  It’s been great. 

Here in the Santa Clara Valley the day dawned clear and beautiful.  The sun warmed my chilled bones as I sipped my tea and ate my scone.  As the day progressed and co workers began arriving we all greeted each other with a warm smile and a friendly “how do you do”.  After working for about 5 hours I decided to take lunch around 11:30.  Now normally Monday is burrito day, but today just felt different.  I decided to walk over to Santana Row and have lunch outside.  Santana Row is a great place to just relax.  It is modeled on the Ramblas in Barcelona.  It has a lot of open air cafes and shopping.  I decided on Roux, a new Cajun place that has just opened.  Nothing like a little dining alfresco to enhance your day, eh!   I sat there in the sun eating my red beans and rice fully contented at that particular moment with my lot in life.  After I had eaten my fill of beans and rice I had a few beignets to top off a thoroughly enjoyable lunch.   Ahh, how sweet it is!! 

Oh how we change

A couple of things happened this past weekend that really got to me and made me laugh.  I realized that the older I get the more the changes are starting to seep into my everyday life.  Let me explain…..

I’m very competitive.  Very!  I have always hated to lose at anything that I play or do.  Losing is no fun.  Second place is just the first loser….blah, blah, blah.  Well, I’ve been looking for an activity to do in lieu of “working out”.  I’m not very good at just pounding around a track to run a few miles and I absolutely hate the gym.  Bunch of ‘roided up freaks in their “baby gap” shirts (shirts that are 3 sizes to small) yelling and grunting and throwing weights around.  Come on, like anybody cares that you can bench the bar 35 times!!  I really don’t like the smell and if you know me then you know how I react to “smelly” situations.  So, I’ve been looking for a sport to play that will allow me to get in a little bit of a work out, more cardio than anything else.  I do my push-ups and sit-ups pretty regularly.  Abs of steel I’ll tell you right now!!  I’ve looked into playing hockey, even went and priced the skates and all of the equipment!  I know that I can’t skate a lick but I really like the game and I’m going to learn how to play it soon.  However, start up costs are a bit prohibitive at the moment.  Wow, this is getting really long winded.  I promise I’ll get to the part about changing here in a minute.   A buddy of mine at work has been after me to play football with he and some friends.  So I though great, go run around and get some exercise, have some fun and meet some new people.  Fantastic.  So a few days ago I went out and this is what happened……..

I got on the field.  There were about 10 people on each team.  Now, the differences between growing up in Texas and playing football and playing in a pick up flag football game in California are vast, to say the least!!  Back home we regularly played with guys who went on to play in the NFL and major college football. It was always very intense.  You know, eye black, gloves, the whole nine yards.  But it is a little different out here.  To put it more plainly, it was very laid back.  No pros here, although there was one guy who was acting like his scholarship to USC had just been pulled and he was trying to get it back.  Never the less,  there I was.  All 6′5″ which made me the biggest guy by far!  So, the game starts.  A guy catches the ball and I DIVED for his flag.  DIVED!!!  I landed painfully on my shoulder.  Now this is par for the course back home in the Republic of Texas and I would never have thought twice about it.  You know, the instincts just took over.  But when I landed on the ground a couple of thoughts went through my head, the first being OWWWWW!!  That hurt.  Well, for the rest of the game I just kind of ran around.  If the ball wasn’t thrown just right, and by just right I mean within my wing span, which is vast, then it wasn’t going to be caught.  I wasn’t jumping, diving, sliding or anything else that might involve injury to my magnificent body!  A little later the guy that was “quarterbacking” ( I put it into quotes because it was really a pitiful effort) threw the ball and it hit me in the calf.  I didn’t even try to reach down and catch it.  I mean that’s a really long way down there.  I might have fallen.  The first thought I had when the ball hit me was, “If that bruises I’m going to be really mad!”  And that is what I’m talking about.   Just how different I am from even 5 years ago.   I would have been yelling and running and jumping and diving like I was playing in the Super Bowl.   I really just wanted to have a good time and run around and get a little exercise.  I accomplished my goal without grievous bodily harm and had a good time doing it.  Maybe it’s me growing up and maybe it’s also the environment in which I was playing.  I just really can’t see getting all that upset about losing, which my team did, a game that meant absolutely nothing at the end of the night. 

 The second thing that I realized in regard to how much I’ve changed was this…..  I set down at dinner on Sunday evening and ate a lot of braised collard greens and really, really enjoyed them.  I used to abhor any type of green vegetable, no matter how great the health benefits! 

Ahhhh, ain’t growing up grand!

Quite the mutt…

I recently shaved my head!  I know, I know.  Nobody likes it except me!  And I’m the only one that matters right now.  I love the ability to “wash and wear”.  It’s fantastic and my head doesn’t have that many misshapen lumps to hide with the hair anyway.  My mom hates it.  Anyone else is at best apathetic, but I love it.  So deal with it I say. 

However, when my hair is this short you can see all of the colors of rainbow in my hair.  Let me explain.  I have black, gray and brown for the majority of my hair.  But, the sideburns have a lot of red and my eyebrows have a lot of blond!  With the buzz cut (haha) all of the different colors are more pronounced.  I owe this multi colored look not to the salon but to my ancestry!  On my dad’s side I’m German, Swede, and Cherokee Indian.  On my mother’s Cherokee and maybe a little Scots-Irish.  Now, we could delve into how all of this makes my personality….German=hard-headed, Swede=devilishly charming, etc….but we won’t do that.  The penultimate reason for this brief missive is to declare to the world that I am quite the mutt.  There are no “pure” bloodlines flowing through my veins.  I am an example of the “melting pot” that America has been for many years. 

 Oh, by the way, I am very proud to be an American!

Cha-ching!

At the conclusion of our Wednesday night bible study the spirit of the Lord moved in a very powerful way.  My little cousin, Victoria, was filled with the Holy-ghost and several other great things happened.  You can read a more complete account on my mom’s blog.  I want to tell you what happened to me.

 Bro. Andrew Buxton was visiting from San Diego, CA.  During the altar service he place a $100 bill on the pulpit.  When asked why he had done so he said, “I feel like investing in revival”.  Awesome.  To make a long story short, Dad asked how many other people felt like “investing”.  I only had a $20 bill in my wallet.  I walked up and gave it without thinking twice.  I was not expecting anything from it, I just felt like giving it to God. 

Yesterday, my boss walked in my office and handed me a $600 dollar a month raise!!  It was totally unexpected!  I knew that I was up for a little raise and I was thinking it would be around $200 a month.  Can you imagine my surprise when it was 3 times the amount that I was even thinking about.  I went through the roof.  Isn’t God so awesome!!  You will never go wrong “investing ” in the kingdom of God. 

On the seam or so it seems……

Coffee spilling out of a perfectly good cup!  No holes, no loose lid, no leaks in the lip.  How can this be?  Today, we ponder this great mystery of the universe. 

CHEESY MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s 4:30 am.  Dark and cold.  He stumbles into Starbucks needing a lift!  Yes, the baristas are smiling.  They call him by name and fix his espresso based drink.  4 shots with whole milk.  As the smell of coffee beans begins to open clogged passageways he smiles.  All is right with the world! 

He strolls out to his now warm Jeep.  Buckles himself in and begins the long and arduous commute.  Through the darkness he rolls, sipping his drink, and munching on his cinnamon roll.  But wait, what is this feeling.  In the darkness he feels, a drip onto his freshly laundered shirt.  A groan of frustration escapes between tightly compressed lips!  How could this happen?  How could this happen again?

A turning on of the reading light proves what he has already suspected.  COFFEE HAS LEAKED OUT OF THE CUP ONTO A SHIRT THAT WAS JUST PICKED UP FROM THE DRY CLEANERS YESTERDAY!  Dastardly cup!  Unfaithful lips!  Faulty lid! Who is to blame?  More investigation is called for!

The seam!  It is always the seam.  You see when the lid is placed on the seam and then you drink though the hole that is placed on top of the seam you have BIG problems.  Without fail coffee and chocolate and steamed milk will find its way to whatever article of clothing you happen to be wearing.  Drip, drip, drip and before you know it you have spotted yourself.  Tide pens, no match for espresso and chocolate.  Napkins tremble in fear.  Beware the seam!!  Beware the seam!

So now we have concluded our journey through the dark and misty dawn and unraveled yet another of life’s complicated mysteries.  Join us next time as we waste more of your time, turn your already mushy brain more mushy,  and explore more of life’s frustrating twists and turns here on Than’s Thoughts!

CHEESY MUSIC AND FADE TO BLACK!!!!!!!