This is going too far!

I know that a lot of you women out there do some thing to “beautify” yourselves, but I just think this is going too far.  Below is an excerpt from a New York Post article on the lengths that women will go to achieve that “natural looking” beauty.  It’s for reason’s like these, and many more (cough, cough panty hose!!) that I thank God everyday for having been blessed to be born a male!  Enjoy!!

 

Women have long been known to go to great lengths for that perfect, milky white and luminous complexion. But some New Yorkers are taking it just one step further.According to the New York Post: For just $216, Shizuka Bernstein will slather your face in feces for a full 50 minutes – what she calls the “Geisha Facial” – at her Midtown spa, Shizuka New York.

The ancient Japanese cleanser – geishas and kabuki dancers have been using the bird poop to wash off their heavy white makeup since the 18th century – contains guanine, which supposedly removes pollutants and blackheads, and helps even out skin tone.

 

TOO GROSS FOR WORDS!!!!!!!!!

 

Oops!

In 1986, Dan Harrison (pictured above) was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant!

Ahhh, those Aussies

These were posted on an Australian tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV; how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles; take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA )
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in America, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Random thoughts part deux

~I love my job.  My bosses actually encouraged me to play hookie from work yesterday.  Thus, I was able to spend the entire day basking in the sunshine and getting paid for it. 

~I was standing in a group of friends from work a few day ago and a co-worker said that she found a particular gentleman to “look yummy”!  I was disturbed.  Until that moment I was unaware that she was a cannibal.  I had always wondered why she had a bottle of A1 sauce in her office!  I’m glad that I’m lean.  Not much fat to flavor the meat on my bones.  I’m am now very cautious when I walk past her office. 

~I am absolutely incapable of wearing a freshly laundered shirt without spotting it.  Today the culprit was a beautiful cupcake that spewed chocolate on me!  My only hope now is that I am able to cover the spot with a tie or a jacket, otherwise I will be spending every penny that I have on the dry cleaners!

~I realized that I have a drug habit.  I spend $25 a week on espresso from Starbucks.  That add’s up to $100 a month (if my math is right)!  Does anyone know if cocaine is cheaper?

~I do not want to be fat.  I just saw a guy who was a little taller than me and his gut hung down over his belt (no, it’s not anybody you know.  He works in my building on a floor above me.  I know this because he came out of the elevator!  Brilliant!!)  He looked incredibly uncomfortable.  I do not want to be fat!!

~I’m really ready for tax time to be over with.  Why do all of my clients wait until the week before to tell me that they need the gain-loss information for their tax people.  I’m pretty sure that the tax deadline is April 15th every year.   We don’t have a simple way to generate that report.  We have to go in an manually calculate every posistion that they have.  Then we have the problem of splits, reinvestments, dividends, etc.  My stock answer now is, “I’m sorry Mr. Unprepared Millionaire, I’m a little busy and you’re just going to have to file an extension!”  Not really, but that sure would feel good.  I can’t imagine what accountant’s and tax attorneys feel like at this time of year!

~I still love my job, even during tax season!

~I thought that I had more for you but I don’t have anything else right now.  I GOT NOTHIN!

A classic…Women drivers!

So this is not original with me but I couldn’t resist.  It’s just way too true and way too funny to not post.  I think I’ve actually seen this women on my way to and from work each day!! 

10th place


9th place
 

8th place

7th place
 

6th place

5th place
 

4th place
 

Bronze medal
 

Silver medal

Gold medal

P.S.  Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?……She was a woman!!

This could become dangerous

I don’t know what’s going on, but this could become dangerous!  This is the second day in a row that I have walked over to Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream and had “a little frozen treat”.  Yesterday it was a milk shake.  Today, strawberry ice cream in a waffle bowl.   If I keep this up I will resemble the Michelin Man in no time.