Preachers Kid

Before I begin this in depth analysis of being a preacher’s kid I just want to say that I am listening to “Deck the Halls”.  It’s July 29th and I’m already listening to Christmas music.  STOP THE MADNESS!!!!

I put together a comprehensive list of experiences that may help you remember if you are a preachers kid or not.  You know, just in case you can’t remember!! Ha!  I want to state that I loved growing up in a preachers home and hope that my children get to experience the same thing someday.  Well, that’s if I ever have children.  I wouldn’t want to have grown up any other way.  I thought it was the best thing.  I got to experience so many unique events and travel the states with my dad as he preached all over.  It was more fun than a kid should be allowed to have.  I met very interesting people and I have friends from coast to coast because I was privileged to be raised as a PK.  With all that being said, there are some unique things that PK’s get to go through that no other group of people on the planet get to experience.  Enjoy.

If you’ve ever been left sleeping underneath the front pew at church, you’re probably a PK.

If you’ve ever been left while playing in a part of the church where no one could find you!

If you’ve ever had a saint tell your parents that you should be disciplined because you are the preachers kid but they won’t discipline their children for the same thing! (Thankfully my parents never did that to me!)

If you’ve spent over a year of your life on a camp ground..(I added it up one time with my best friend Jared.  We spent way over a year of our life in Lufkin, TX.  We spent every June, (all four weeks), in a little cabin on the Texas District Campground.  I wouldn’t change it for the world!  But, I’ve not been to more than 2 days of any kind of camp in over 6 years!!)

If another preacher has ever gotten you in trouble for throwing mashed potatoes on Sis. Bible’s new curtains! (Thanks Bro Wheeler.)

I you’ve ever told your classmates, “My dad doesn’t have a job.  He’s a preacher!” True story.  My sister told her class that. 

If you’ve ever feared that the rapture has taken place because you can’t find your parents and you just know that they are “gone” forever! (this can include all Pentecostals)

If you’ve ever had a family vacation canceled by a death in the church.  (always was made up to us by my parents.)

If “take your child to work day” held no luster for you because you already spent every night at the church anyway.

If your parents ever said to you as you tried to be sick for church, “throw up and prove it”, and then when you did said, “now don’t you feel better. Go get dressed!” HA!

If you’ve ever thrown every worldly CD out the window of your truck on the way home from a very powerful service and then 3 days later driven back through the area very slowly trying to find the CD’s again!  If it has happened more than once!

If you’ve ever “been slain in the spirit out of self defense”!

There really are so many more that could be added.  Feel free to add yours in the comment section!

Proud to be an American

Today I had a moment that made me proud to be an American all over again!!  It wasn’t the sight of Old Glory waving in the breeze.  It wasn’t a pair of F16’s streaking overhead.  I wasn’t anything that might ordinarily cause goose bumps and chills.  It was simply the food court at the mall!! 

Where else can you get all of the many different food choices in such a concentrated area.  Russia…I think not.  France……no!  Germany……nein!  England….perish the thought!  Only in the United States of America can you find Mexican, Japanese, Chinese, Italian, McDonald’s, American, sea food, bistro’s, Subway, Haagen-Daas, and so many more!  Wow!  The smells that emanate from the food court waft throughout the mall drawing the hungry shopper.  Never in the history of mankind has this smorgasbord of delight been so readily available to the masses.  It was this that made me so proud to be an American. 

May God bless the United States of America and food courts across our great nation!

??Question for you??

Should your religious views be the same as your political ones?  Does everything you believe in your religion translate to how you feel about politics?  Are there some things that you believe to be foundational truths in your life that you feel like should be law?  I would love to hear from people on both sides.  I think that it is a very interesting debate for this reason:  There are some things that I believe to be absolutely wrong (in a biblical sense) that I can’t say people shouldn’t have the choice to make. 

Just trying to provoke a little honest thinking.

Why do you keep bugging me?

No I don’t want to buy a tshirt to help the “endangered” turtles of Thailand.  I have to work.  You should probably try it. This is now the third time that you’ve come by my desk and asked me.  I’ve seen all the little cards that you leave around.  By the way, the cards you left in the bathroom are soaking wet and the ink is running into the sink!  Smart, but then nobody has ever accused you of being the sharpest knife in the drawer have they?  And don’t look at me like I’m a cruel, heartless human being who cares only for himself. I’ve given more money to charity than you spend on your clothes.  I’ve given to Hurricane Katrina and Rita relief, cancer research, AIDS research and I’ve given a lot of money to my church.  I just don’t really care about the stupid turtles.  Who knows, you’re probably gonna take my money to go buy more fake Gucci (Fucci) shoes!  Leave me alone!

Is a simple life a better life?

I’ve found myself pondering this question lately.  It was brought on by a conversation I was apart of over the weekend.   I was sitting there listening to several family members bemoaning the fact that there lives were so “busy” and that technology had made unwelcome advances into their lives.  I listened as “problems” were expounded upon and found myself growing more and more dismayed and also a little upset.  Why do we always seem to remember the past so fondly and look with daunting reservations at the future? 

I’ll preface my remarks by saying that I don’t mean to offend anyone.  This is simply another example of my thought process. 

Sociologists can’t seem to figure out which generation I’m apart of.  I fit into the tail end of Generation X (1965-1981) and the beginning of Generation Y (1981-1994).  I exhibit characteristic’s of both I guess.  I was around for the end of the Cold War and the rise of grunge, both characteristic’s of Gen X.  I’m also apart of the Gen Y rise of Facebook, Youtube, MySpace, etc.  I’m sure that my generational placement factors heavily into my way of thinking but it would be foolish to think that anyone is not affected by their generational views. 

And that brings me back to the question, is a simple life a better life?  I don’t think that I will be able to sway anyone from the opinion that you undoubtedly hold.  My first reaction to the question is very simple.  No, it’s not.  But then I thought about it and I listened to the complaints that were put forth to buttress this person’s point of view.

It seems that in a land far away and long ago there were no cell phones or iPod’s or satellite or email or MySpace and Facebook!  Gasp!  Was this Russia in the 1950’s?  NO!  It was just a few short years ago here in the United States of America.  I struggle to comprehend these dark days!  No, seriously I remember when my parents first got cell phones and I remember the first time I logged onto the internet.  In my mind these inventions and advancements have made my life much better, but to this persons point of view this was the beginning of “the great fall of humanity”.  You know, the one where families became fractured, never sit down to eat dinner together, always planted in front of the boob tube or computer.  Kid’s became uncommunicative zombies as Nintendo and later, Playstations and Xbox’s began to control their life.  I listened as they extolled the virtues of playing outside, family dinners and the like.  The overwhelming question in my mind during this brain numbing recitation was: Why do any of those things have to change?  Was it better to be raised as a child in the 50’s?  The 60’s or the 70’s?  I was raised in the 80’s.  Did I miss out on some of lifes great things because there were different things to do than when my great-grandfather was born? 

All of our live’s have changed and will continue to change as technology advances.  But if you hold to the very limited world view that technology has damaged the family or society then I would beg to differ.  If you can’t sit down to a dinner without the cell phone ringing and you answering it, that’s a you problem!  I remember when I was a kid that family dinners were sacred.  No one answered the phone.  The worlds problems could wait for 30 minutes as we Hurst’s ate and laughed.  I had a Nintendo when I was a kid.  I also had a Sega and currently have a PS2 ( I know I’m lame since I don’t have a PS3 or Xbox 360).  When I was a kid I played outside.  It didn’t matter that I had the latest technology.  The computer was never as fascinating as playing army in the woods or home run derby in Marshall’s back yard.  Once again, if you’re a parent and you can’t get you kid off the computer, that’s a you problem, not a technological one.

So is a simple life better?  Do you really want to go back to horse and buggy?  Who among us wants to be 16 again?  Not me.  I was like a baby giraffe at 16.  I could barely walk without falling down.  Granted, not much has changed.  Why do some people always want to go back into the past?  I loved my childhood and wouldn’t change a thing.  But I sure don’t want to go back and revisit those days.  They were great but I like my “complicated life” very much thank you.  Technology has changed the world but it doesn’t have to change your “quality” of life.  if it has then you need to revisit what makes you..well you.  I’m not who I am because I have a Blackberry or a laptop.  I am who and what I am because I choose to be this way.  It’s a very simple minded approach to blame the ills of your life on anything other than your personal choices.  Of course, we live in an enablement society.  Nothing is our own fault anymore but I would encourage you to take a different view and make your life what you want it to be.  Don’t let sociological, economic, or any other type of factors determine who you are or your quality of life. 

Is simple better?  Maybe it was.  However, every generation and time period has its good points and bad points.  I’m glad that I live in the here and now.  I like that I’m crazy busy and that my life is anything but simple.  At least with technology I can call my parents on their cell phones at anytime to make sure the rapture hasn’t taken place and I’ve been left behind (all of you pentecotal PK’s will get that!).

Just a few thoughts(not the random kind)

I’m usually one of the biggest proponents of political correctness going way way too far.  I think that the media has gone overboard in trying not to offend anybody.  But……there are just some words and phrases that should never be used.  These words are confrontational, hurtful, and demeaning and should never be used in polite conversation by anybody.  It doesn’t matter to me if you think you have the right.  There are some words that should just never be used.  I’m tired of the debates of “I can say it because I’m part of the group that the word is about” but “you can’t use it because then it would be a slur or a bad thing”.   Nobody should ever use those words again.  Go back, find out what the original use of the word means and then tell me if you feel comfortable using it. 

Now, on to politics.  I’m not going to tell you how to vote.  Nor am I going to tell  you how I vote.  The speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi, just called President Bush “a complete disaster”.  I would say that I have been disappointed with many of the decisions that have been made over the last 8 years.  But it just seems a little harsh to call anyone who has dedicated their life to the service of their country “a complete disaster”.  I find it so hard to believe that the founding fathers would be proud at the level of rhetoric that has arisen in our country’s politics.  I’m tired of the two parties.  Democrats.  Republicans.  Ugh!  You would think that the people who run our country would be able to rise above their differences for the good of the people they govern.   Does this happen?  Only in the most dire of times.  I feel like when I listen to the news or watch a political show that I’m watching a group of 5th graders argue over who gets to play on the swing set first.  Actually, I need to apologize to the 5th graders.  I wouldn’t want to compare anyone to the people who are running our country.  Is anyone else a little upset at the complete lack of self control that the “leaders” of our country show? 

I think I know how to win the war on terror.  This would be my foreign policy if I ran the country.  You treat me like you want me to treat you!  If you attack the United States of America we will respond in kind.  If you want us to support you in the peaceful pursuit of nuclear energy, infrastructure, health care and democracy we will do our best to provide you with the tools to succeed.  But if you want to posture and tell the world that we are the great Satan of the world and you then back those actions up by inciting terrorism we will bomb you back into the Stone Age.  I think that if we just put it out there like that the world would be a much better place.  The whole, “walk softly and carry a big stick” foreign policy. 

I can’t wait for my vacation.  Just a few more weeks until I can sleep in and not worry about what happens at the office!  Yea for Than!

Motivational posters, colloquial sayings and random thoughts

We’ve all seen those chessy motivational posters with a picture and then a little saying that is supposed to be uplifting.  Every boss has one in their office, every teacher has one in the classroom.  Weeellllll, these are a little different but I like them.

Here are some colloquial sayings that I learned while growing up in the south.  They might not be the most eloquent but they get the job done and then some!

He’d complain if you hung him with a new rope.

Just do all you can and let the rough end drag.

That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.

I’m bowed up like a Halloween cat.

He’s ridin a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

As easy as herdin chickens.

You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you’re running.

She has two speeds:slow and stop.

I felt like a monkey doing a math problem.

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers.

Random thought:

If you hold a door open for a person as your walking into a place of business, isn’t the polite thing to do to allow the person that held the door to get in front of you in line? (Like at Starbucks in the morning?)  Welcome to California!!

If you haven’t read or heard the story of Josh Hamilton, who is leading MLB in RBI’s at the All Star break, google him.  It is an incredible story of wasted years and redemption.

1 in 2 men will develop some form of cancer.  1 in 3 women will do the same.  Donate some money to cancer research.  Even if it’s only $5 we need every dollar that we can possible get.  Go to youtube and search for Jim Valvano’s speech at the 1993 ESPY awards.  It is truly an awesome speech. 

Do something nice for someone this week.  You’ll feel better about yourself and if you don’t someone will feel better about you!

 

 

The customer is not always right!

The following are real conversations between employees and customers.  Hopefully none of you have ever been this brain dead!!!!  Trust me.  These type of conversations really do take place!

 

Ice cream shop, Michigan

(A customer orders a sundae in a small banana boat. It’s two mounds of ice cream with hot fudge, pecans, whip cream, and a cherry.)

ME: “Can I help you?”
CUSTOMER: “Yes, I’d like the hot fudge pecan royale. Can you make it with twist ice cream?”
ME: “Yes. ”
CUSTOMER: “That comes with whip cream, right?”
ME: “Yes it does.”
CUSTOMER: “Good. I don’t want a cherry though, they’re fattening.”

Credit Card Call Center, Florida

ME: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?”
CUSTOMER: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?”
ME: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?”
CUSTOMER: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.”
ME: “Well, the payment was due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.”
CUSTOMER: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?”
ME: ”Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.”
CUSTOMER: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”
ME: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?”
CUSTOMER: “Jesus would waive my fee!”
ME: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.”

Zoo, Scotland, UK

ME: “Hi, do you need any help?”
GUY AT ZOO: “Yeah… do the chimps, like, speak English?”
ME: “Ummm…. no.”

Coffee Shop, Raleigh, NC

CUSTOMER: “Is the lemon pound cake fresh? Like, is it soft?”
ME: “All of our pastries are fresh, sir. Would you like a sample, to see if you like it?”
CUSTOMER: “Just let me feel it.”

(I put the slice of cake on a plate and watch resignedly as he pokes the cake full of holes.)

CUSTOMER: “Yeah, I guess that’s soft enough.”
ME: “Alright…”

(I pick up the slice of cake with tongs and move to put it in a pastry bag.)

CUSTOMER: “Not THAT one! It’s got holes all in it!”

Furniture store, Netherlands

(I’m working at a well-known Scandinavian furniture store. Our children’s supervised play area only allows ages 3 to 6. Parents need to fill in a form with the names of the children and the address…)

CUSTOMER: (writes down age 7)
ME: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but only children from 3 until 6 are allowed to play in here.”
CUSTOMER: (makes a 6 out of the 7 and looks at me with a big smile)

Fast Food, Ontario, Canada

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

CO-WORKER: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”
CUSTOMER: “I just need a minute to decide.”
CO-WORKER: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

CUSTOMER, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”
CUSTOMER, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”
CO-WORKER: “Alright, go ahead…”
CUSTOMER: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”
CO-WORKER: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”
CUSTOMER: *drives off without ordering anything*

Retail, Minneapolis, MN

(I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)

CUSTOMER: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”
ME: “Sure, what can I help you with?”
CUSTOMER: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”

Music

In the previous post I described my dislike of a certain genre of music, Southern Gospel.  Of course at the time I wrote the post I didn’t know that this was the “sacred cow” of my family.  However, after “the Triumvirate”, better known as my mother and my two aunts responded, I quickly learned this was the case.  Memo to self…..TOUCH NOT SOUTHERN GOSPEL LEST THOU BE PILED UPON WITH FLAMING SWORDS!  Ha, I know that what they said was mostly in fun.  But it did bring up a point that I want to harp upon for a minute!  It seems like the longer that I live the more fractured and distant my generation has become from my parents generation in several areas.  Let me make a statement that I intend as a disclaimer.  I am not talking about doctrinal or salvific principles.  Please keep that in mind as you read this. 

One of the areas that we differ on is music.  Anyone who has been around Pentecost or any type of church for that matter know what I am talking about.  As I was growing up, and I mean as a small child, we still sang out of the hymn book.  It was great.  As I grew and got older we began to sing worship choruses.  Songs like, Welcome into this place, I will praise you Lord, etc.  It was great.  Choir music has also changed.  We used to listen to Hezekiah Walker, John P Kee, Orlando Draper and many others.  This type of music lent itself to large majestic choirs.  Anthemic music that was big, complicated and majestic. 

My sister wrote a post about some of her favorite choir songs.  I too cherish the memory of those songs.  My Aunt Karla pointed out that I played Southern Gospel when my parents were apart of the Landmark Trio.  I did and we had fun with it.  But things change.  Sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes it is for the worse.  My mom wrote about a young man in our church who brought out the song book the other night and sang “The Old Rugged Cross”.  I wasn’t there but I know from experience that there is no greater song.  The emotions that singing about Jesus dying for my sins evokes are priceless.  I need to be reminded of the incredible sacrifice that was paid so that I might one day have the chance at eternal life.  There are also days when my Dad will just take over the service and sing old hymns.  When that happens I love it.  My grandpa will sing at the top of his lungs.  There will always be a place in my heart and in the church for those songs!  If we ever lose that than I believe that we have done ourself an incredible disservice.  Most of the young people that are in our church don’t know the old songs and it is pretty funny watching them try to follow the words in a song book.  There are a lot of people that say this is tragic, an injustice or just plain disrespectful. I strongly disagree.  I think that it is fantastic!  Why?  Because it means that there are people in my church that weren’t raised in Pentecost.  People who have never heard the old songs.  People who are new to Pentecost and its traditions.  Should we teach them about the heritage.  Absolutely!  Should we hold on to it (tradition) so tight that it is incredibly foreign to any one who has no clue?  No. 

The new praise and worship music that has come around lately is fantastic.  Most of the “new stuff” is directed directly to God and is meant to praise Him.  It’s called vertical worship.  Songs like, This is How We Overcome, ( I get made fun of a lot because this is one of my favorites), talks about the day that Jesus saved a person and what a difference it makes in their life.  It goes on to point out that praise is what helps a person to over come the trials that they may be going through.  Friend of God is a song that points out what an amazing thing it is that God has chosen me or you to have a relationship with.  Everyone (Praises) speaks to baptism, repentance and the shedding of Christ’s blood on Calvary.  The message of the newer worship has not changed at all from the “old hymnals” and even from what Pentecostal music used to be when I was a teenager.  I would hazard a guess and say that there is not a single person out there who could honestly say that the quality of the worship service you attend has been lessened because of a “different” style of music. 

If we are honest ourselves it boils down to personal tastes.  I made it abundantly clear, and I was being mostly sarcastic, that I don’t really like Southern Gospel music.  It’s not what gets to me.  But that doesn’t mean that I sit like a bump on a log when someone sings it.  I don’t snarl up my nose and cross my arms or roll my eyes in distaste!  You may think that I’m going overboard to make a point but I’ve seen all of the above happen.  And here’s the sad part: It’s usually along generational lines and it goes both ways.  I thank God everyday that I have been raised to appreciate all kinds of music.  Even if I don’t particularly like the style, I can recognize that it has value because it glorifies God.  I know, for a fact, that my Dad is not all that fond of all of the “worship” music that we do.  You would never be able to guess it from the way that he responds.  He recognizes that it moves and speaks to his congregation and he won’t put himself above the church receiving a blessing from God.  When a person puts their likes and dislikes above the good of the whole they are wrong.  We sing, almost exclusively, except for the times like I mentioned above, the newer worship music.  It has never affected the quality of our worship service.  In fact, I would say that it has enhanced it.  The sight of seeing people giving everything to God during a worship service is incomparable.  It should be this way no matter what we sing.  If music glorifies God it is worthwhile and it should never be denegrated or put down in any way. 

It’s supposed to be all about Jesus.  It shouldn’t matter if it’s my generations music or your generations music.  If it glorifies the Creator of the Universe I should worship no matter what the beat is or what the lead instrument is.  Personal taste shouldn’t preclude anyone, grandparent or grandchild, from being able to raise a hand and say “Thank you God for saving my soul.”  Because, in the end, the presentation may change but the Message never will.

Summer lull

We have officially reached the “summer lull” here at work.  This can best be described as when both clients and fellow employee’s take monstrously long vacations!   As I alluded to in the previous post the weather has been horrific but there looks like a break for the next few days as it will not get above 85.  Nice!  During the summer lull there is very little to be done.  Clients laying around on sun drenched beaches in places like Mexico, the Caribbean, and the South Pacific tend not to care as much that the market has fallen over 20% since October of last year.  Less irate clients means that the stress level in the office goes down considerably!  Nice.  Less irate clients mean less irate bosses means bosses on vacation means very relaxed atmosphere and hence the disease that I’m about to tell you about. 

Several people in the office, (ahem, not me!) have been afflicted with the MeNoWannaWorkie syndrome!  This dastardly sickness affects even the best of us when the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the beaches are calling, the mountains are beckoning, etc!  Since the work load is very light today and it also happens to be a Friday, there is a lot of hacky sack, baseball, lacrosse and hockey being played in the office.  Also, since it is such a beautiful day, Santana Row, which is just a few paces to my right, beckons!  Ben and Jerrys, Peets, Starbucks, and numerous eateries that offer dining al fresco are just a short jaunt away!  In addition to *cough*cough* all of the work that is being done, well, people have already started the weekend by leaving work a little early.  It’s only 11 AM.  Don’t worry, we’re taking good care of your money!

On a totally random note, which my father calls “chasing rabbit’s”, there is a song that I really like.  Now, let me preface my remarks by saying that I am normally not a big fan of Southern Gospel, read terrible, terrible, awful, music.  I was raised in the South but because of this music being force fed to me, especially on Sunday mornings when the radio would be tuned to Jet Rodgers and the absolutely horrific music that he played, i.e Devil’s in the Phone Booth, Excuses (why the whole family had to stay home, Just to blow that poor kid’s nose), and so many other songs that I refuse to remember because of the traumatic memories that surface, I just don’t like Southern Gospel.  No, that’s not right!  I abhor the vast majority of this genre of music.  If you like it, that’s great.  You have a right to have poor taste in music.  We all have our faults.  Some faults are larger than others and if you posses this awful one, I will pray for you and a quick deliverance! May God have mercy upon your soul!  However, the one exception that I will admit too is “The Eagle Song” by the Gaither Vocal Band.  It was written by Russ and Lori Taff and was originally recorded by the Imperials many moons ago!  I just listened to the song 4 times in a row and was very tempted to listen a 5th time!  Great great song. But don’t ask me to listen to Squire Parsons, Signature Sound, the Nelons, the Florida Boys, the Hemphills, Karen Peck and New River, the Easters,  et. al.    I only know so much about it because of the terrible things I was forced to listen to as a young child who had no control of the radio in our house!