The difference in dogs and cats

4 06 2008

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary

6:00 am – At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm – They’re home! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe —for now…




6 responses

4 06 2008
Karla Holley

LOL!! Soooo true – and thus the reason I HATE cats!!!

This is only because you had a cat that stalked you at night while you were sleeping!! I also hate cats because I had one that stalked me at night and would attack my foot as I walked by. Not only that but, this cat dragged my clothes into her litter box to cover up er……stuff!

4 06 2008
Jana Allard

The reason I love dogs!!!

Dogs are ok but I really don’t like animals in the house.

5 06 2008
Carla Clark

Karla took the words out of my mouth!!!!!!

Yes. It is a common theme that runs through the civilized side of society!! Only people who are desirous of un-intelligent action are “cat people”!

5 06 2008

Well, I love both cats and dogs. There are good and bad cats, as well as good and bad dogs. And, this diary of a cat just reminds us where they came from in the first place. Lions, tigers, cheetas, panthers, mountain lions. They really love their freedom. And, as much as I love dogs, lots of them are just plain lazy. They can’t even give themselves a bath like cats do. Ha!

When you break it down like that it only makes me not want a cat more! Who wants to live with a mini tiger? Only people with severe mental limitations that’s who!!

5 06 2008
Tammy Bryant

You only hate CATS due to their superior intelligence. They choose their masters that match the ability to be so wise.

CATS are wonderful! Dogs too, but we will leave it at that.+

Cats were created by the devil. They are dangerous, sneaky animals who do not deserve to be labeled as pets!!! We will leave it at that.

6 06 2008
James Wilder

This post made me gut laugh. Thanks, Than.

I’m glad you enjoyed it! Good to hear from you roomy!

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