Disturbed

8 10 2008

Last night I went downstairs to make myself a sandwich.  I was hungry you see!  I didn’t want to get in my Jeep, which I have fondly named Dolores, and drive down to a fast food joint!  I’m trying to be responsible financially and plus fast food is bad bad bad!  So here I go making the arduous trek downstairs.  I narrowly avoided the dog laying at the top of the steps, navigated the steep slope of the stairs, wound my way through the formal living and the den and made it into the kitchen.  I opened the door to the refrigerator to stare at the meager offerings and decided on a ham sandwich.  Into the pantry I went to get my country butter milk bread and lo and behold there was only OAT NUT bread!! OAT NUT BREAD?  What is this?  I frantically dug around for more options.  Nothing!  I angrily threw the bread (can you even call it bread if it has nuts in it?) into the toaster, gathered my cheese and ham and mustard and set about making myself a monster sandwich!  After finishing the sandwich I went back into the pantry to get some chips.  NOTHING!!  WHAT IS GOING ON?  We ALWAYS have chips!  We always have a virtual cornucopia of chips in the house.  Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos, Lays!  All kinds of chips!  NOTHING, NOTHING!  What is going on?

My family had fallen under the spell of a wacko, commy, atheist “doctor”!  This man has placed my parents and my sister on very strict diet.  NO CHIPS, and the like.  NO regular bread!  No “a lot of things”!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHH! 

I have one question….Is this child abuse?

I’m still picking oats and nuts out of my teeth from that stupid bread!  Oh yeah, and I did have to go to Taco Bell.

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5 responses

8 10 2008
ryanaustindean

We buy that multi-grain nut bread. The first few times, I responded like you did. Now I’m a convert. Don’t give up on it too quickly, sissy.

Listen here you girly man, you’re married and everbody knows that married people are given to tremendous weight gain for various reasons. I’m not married therefore I’m incapable of gaining weight and I don’t need that stupid multi-grain nut bread. I don’t need it to grow on me like some mold! I don’t want to convert. I believe in country buttermilk bread. I like it. It toasts well, it smells normal, there are no crunchy bites, butter spreads evenly on it, jam doesn’t recoil in horror at the thought of having to mix with nuts. I don’t like it eyebrow boy!

9 10 2008
Chandra

Nah. According to the Welfare Instutions Code section 300 a-j…not child abuse!

ARGH!

9 10 2008
jasonlavant

Healthy foods = trouble. I eat more because I feel like I’m not “filling up” as much …

Child Abuse – No
Adult Abuse – Yes

I agree! This is why I don’t eat healthy!

10 10 2008
Jana Allard

I don’t care what anybody says, call CPS……….NOW!!! End this horrible abuse!!!! 🙂

I’m so glad someone is on my side!! Your continuing prayers are of course coveted and needed!

12 10 2008
Len

It’s a novel concept eat healthy feel good,feel good. Eat bad food feel bad. HA! You should try it, you just might feel better. Oh and by the way I wouldn’t feed Taco Bell to my dog. That food is down right nasty!!

I don’t feel healthy when I eat healthy. I feel weak from the lack of nourishment! Don’t hate on Taco Bell. They perform a very important service. Fast food run on Sundays! HA

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