Things that need to go away in ’09, random New Year’s thoughts and frivolity

2 01 2009

New Year’s Resolution ’09: Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

Things that need to go away in ’09:

1. 80’s Fashion:  Neon. Chicks and dudes alike are currently obsessed with gaudy and bright neon colored clothing.  All, clothing styles are cyclical but the neon tights have got to go. Look in the mirror before you leave the house and understand that dressing like a rodeo clown isn’t attractive and never will be.

2. Carrying dogs in over sized tote-bags: I have never understood the phenomenon of carrying a miniature dog in a purse in public places.  I have seen this act perpetrated everywhere from grocery stores and malls, to car washes and airports.  Surely the dog is happy locked up in a cage over your shoulder with poor ventilation 5 feet off the ground.  Is this a fashion statement?  Because if it is, using a dog as a fashion accessory is beyond laughable.

3. Skinny Jeans:  Nobody in the world looks good in skinny jeans.  Let me repeat.  NOBODY.  None of the rest of us have any desire to see you try and pour yourself into a pair of jeans so snug that you have to starve yourself for 32 straight days just to be able to wear them.  Besides that they make your feet look big. 

4. Bluetooth headsets:  The awful and revolting bluetooth headset has run its course. Every single person who sees you wearing this heinous piece of fashion faux pas is laughing at you behind your back.   Put your phone to your ear.  The headset is only acceptable when you are driving.  That’s it.

5. The exclamation point:  I’m one of the worst abusers of this over used punctuation mark.  If you write a decent sentence it shouldn’t need a exclamation point to convey excitement, terror or any other sort of emotion.  write a good sentence.  Don’t rely on punctuation to do your dirty work.

6. Emoticons:  The principle is the same.  Stop with the cute little smiley faces and winking semi colons and parenthesis. 

7. Killing the English language:  Every time you write one of the following: LOL, ROFL, BRB, etc. Write it out.  Here’s my beef.  I may not be the perfect example of how to speak the King’s English but I do know this, every time we take the lazy way out and use these silly, trite phrases we are killing the English language a little bit more.  Pretty soon our entire communication system will revolve around little groups of letters that are meant to convey a sentence.  If you want to say that you are laughing out loud, and really how often is that even true, then say that you are laughing out loud.  When was the last time that you actually rolled on the floor laughing?  If that is indeed the case and you are rolling around on the ground like a small child laughing hysterically then write that you are indeed rolling around on the ground like a small child laughing hysterically.   Write it out.  How much longer does it really take you?  Oh, I know that somebody is going to think they are funny and write in the comments something like this:  You are so funny!!!!! I am LOL!  No really I am ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!   Rest assured I will not find this amusing and you will be subjected to a withering look and caustic sarcasm neither of which you will find to be helpful for your already low self esteem bubble.

New Year’s Resolution #2:  Read around the fire more.

It has been brought to my attention that it was quite a long while in between posts.  Sorry about that. I have been on vacation for the last week and a half and before that we were making the mad dash to get all of our business done before the end of the year.  Also, I was spending entirely to much time in shopping malls looking for the perfect gifts for everybody on my list.  If you did not receive a present from me this year it is probably because you somehow ended up on my naughty list.  Yes indeed, I am very much like the mythical figure, Santa Claus. 

I didn’t buy myself a Christmas gift this year.  It was an unfortunate oversight that I will work all year long to remedy. 

On a more serious note, I wish you all the very best in the Year of our Lord and Saviour, 2009.   I hope and pray that you have the best year that you have ever had and that peace and prosperity will be yours this year.

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8 responses

2 01 2009
Jana Allard

Sorry, but I can’t resist…………..Should I add if you are going to seriously speak of “The Year of Our Lord…” shouldn’t it continue with “two thousand nine” instead of 2009? HEHEHEHAHAHAHAHALAUGHINGOUTLOUDRIGHTNOWATMYOWNSARCASM.

Hope you have a blessed year full of prosperity, health, wisdom and more than you dreamed.

2 01 2009
Jana Allard

P.S. Don’t know where the rest of the letters faded into on my above comment, line four. I thought for sure I had continued to type “SARCASM.”

3 01 2009
Tena

Whew. Thanks for posting, Than. I was going through “than’s thoughts” withdrawals. *Smile*. Love you and glad you had a wonderful holiday/vacation time.

4 01 2009
Karla

PLEASE!!! If someone is actually “rolling on the floor” take a picture!!!! We definitely need proof of that one!!

5 01 2009
Noel

Love that Sis Karla.. Bro Than you are too twisted for words. I am laughing out loud. I never roll on the floor when I laugh does anyone?? Glad you had a vacation.. Happy two-thousand-nine. I write this in extreme appreciation for the english language. The Cordovas

7 01 2009
Shawnna Buxton

I must say that you are so stinkin’ funny. (Notice there is no exclamation mark). Just thought I’d let you know that. Have a cheery day.

11 01 2009
chandra

Sorry, man. I use exclamation points all the time and shall not stop. LOL and ROFL are pretty annoying. I only use LOL when I really LOL. Does that help? Besides, what is ”true, non-adulterated” English anyway? With everything being written in other languages to appease every one that does NOT speak English, the English language will be extint by two thousand and ten. :o)

12 11 2010
Outdoor Rugs ·

bluetooth headsets are great because they are wireless and your movement is not limited by wires :~~

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